The In-Between
There is a space most of us will occupy more than once in our lives.
It is the space between where we have been and where we are going next.
Sometimes we enter it by choice. Sometimes it finds us through a job change, a career decision, a promotion, a disappointment, or simply the realization that the path we are on no longer feels like our path.
The in-between can be exciting.
It can also be confusing, lonely, and a little mushy.
You may know you cannot go back, but you aren't quite sure how to move forward.
You may have lost your bearings.
You may have forgotten what you are good at.
You may have a good story to tell but cannot seem to organize it into words.
You may simply need someone to sit with you while you figure out what comes next
I have spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to have someone beside you in that space, and I have benefitted from it.
Movement is better than stagnation
You don't always need to know the destination before taking the next step.
Sometimes the most important realization is that staying still is a choice too.
Movement creates information.
A conversation creates perspective.
A small step can reveal something the map could not.
This can be especially important when someone is stuck between what they know and what they don't yet know.
Maybe they are several years out of college and have realized they don't want to spend the next twenty years doing what they studied to do.
Maybe they have spent years building a career and suddenly find themselves wondering what those years actually prepared them to do next.
Maybe they lost a position and are having trouble seeing beyond the loss.
The answer doesn't always appear as a five-year plan.
Sometimes it begins with one next step.
The goal isn't always certainty.
Sometimes the goal is enough confidence to move one step.
Hear what you already know
People are smart.
Sometimes we just get lost in the forest of our own experiences.
We can forget the skills we have developed. We can overlook patterns in our own careers. We can become so close to our experiences that we cannot see the story they are telling us.
This is where conversation can become powerful.
Sometimes you need someone who will listen while you tell your story.
Someone who asks another question.
Someone who remembers something you said twenty minutes earlier and connects it to something you just said.
Someone who can provide a little resistance when your thinking needs sharpening.
Iron sharpens iron when the steel meets the whetstone.
The purpose isn't to tell someone what to think. It is to create enough space for them to hear what they already know.
Sometimes the most valuable thing another person can say is:
"Have you noticed that you keep coming back to the same idea?"
And suddenly, something that was buried in the story becomes visible.
Build a tool for the next in-between
The goal isn't for someone else to solve the problem.
A good mentor should not become a permanent crutch.
The hope is that the person moves forward with another tool in their tool bag.
Maybe it is a better way to separate what they can control from what they cannot.
Maybe it is a way to recognize the patterns in their own experience.
Maybe it is a better way to tell their story.
Maybe it is simply learning how to stop waiting for perfect certainty before taking a step.
Because there will probably be another in-between.
That isn't failure.
That's life.
Learning how to navigate one in-between makes the next one a little less intimidating.
Find fulfillment along the way
We can become so focused on reaching the next destination that we forget we are actually living while we are getting there.
A career is not one destination. Neither is a life. There will be a next chapter, and another one after that. The hope is not simply to arrive. It is to learn, grow, contribute, and find fulfillment along the way.
Sometimes we place so much importance on the next job, title, promotion, or destination that we miss what is happening on the path toward it.
The path is where we develop judgment.
The path is where we discover what matters.
The path is where we learn what we want to carry forward and what we are ready to leave behind.
Find the words
Sometimes the person sitting across from you already has a remarkable story. They just cannot see it clearly enough to tell it. They may have years of experience but struggle to explain the value they actually bring to the table.
They may have accomplished more than they realize but describe each accomplishment as an isolated event.
Sometimes they need to hear their own story.
That is one reason even something as practical as a resume can become part of this process. A resume is certainly a tool for telling someone else about your skills and experience. And, It can also be a tool for understanding yourself.
What have I actually done?
What did I learn?
What problems have I learned to solve?
What am I good at?
What do I want to do next?
When those answers begin to emerge, the resume gets stronger.
More importantly, the person becomes better able to explain who they are and where they want to go.
You are not alone
Maybe that is what matters most about having someone in the in-between.
Not someone who owns the path.
Not someone who chooses the destination.
Not someone who has all the answers.
But…
Someone who walks alongside you.
Someone who isn't attached to the outcome.
Someone who can step back and see a little more of the forest because they aren't standing in the same trees.
Someone who can encourage you when the next step feels difficult.
Someone to challenge you when your thinking needs resistance.
Someone to help you focus on what you can control.
Someone to remind you of what you already know.
And occasionally ask:
“So, what is your Next Best Step?”
The path is yours.
The choices are yours.
The destination is yours.
My hope is that you can move out of the in-between with confidence, carry a few more tools with you, and find fulfillment along the way.
And when you find yourself in the next in-between, you remember that you have navigated this space before.
You are not alone.
Sometimes the next best step is already there.
You just need enough space, perspective, and encouragement to see it.
